Affairs and the Other Woman

What if One's Spouse Can't Reveal all the Details of an Affair?

I feel there is a big need to know the entire truth. If your spouse wants to know everything get the whole truth over with as soon as possible. Think of the situation like a wound are you not better off to get all of the poison out from the start? Why would you want to have it opened time and time again and go through all the pain every time. What if later on you discover or uncover some unknown facts? Would it not be like starting the inquiry all over again? Continued lying scrapes the wound over and over again. Ask your partner what you really want to know.

There are many reasons your partner doesn't want to hurt you by telling you the complete truth such as fear, legal issues, and hurting you. If he was in "denial" that is different. In most circumstances the unfaithful partner must disclose if healing is to occur. There is an important need to know when the partner is at risk of acquiring or has been exposed to a sexually transmitted disease.

With or without restitution of the marriage, you must come to terms with truth; the truth of the substance of your marriage. Without truth, there is no moving forward. Sure truth can be painful as well as truth can be liberating. Healing requires rigorous honesty. It certainly does show the lines of communication are open which is always so important.. Have patience and give it time. It takes time to recover and rebuild. I can't tell you what your timing will be - everyones is different. Reestablishing trust is a long and hard process. No one "forces" anyone to be unfaithful. Infidelity is a decision, even if doesn't feel that way.

If he or she was unfaithful, it's important to examine why your spouse allowed himself to do something that could threaten your marriage. Was he satisfying a need to feel attractive? Or having a mid-life crisis? Did he grow up in a family where infidelity was a way of life? Does he have a sexual addiction?Tell him in order to speed the healing process and recover then by all means he should reveal it all to enable you to stop wondering and inquiring. Talking or writing about emotions can help defuse them. Just closely observing them can too. One may find in meditation that mental activities observed closely tend to desist. When we focus upon observing our thoughts, the thinking process may stop. When we focus on emotions, the emotion may dissipate.

A man or woman will usually try justify to himself that if there has been a short affair, he should protect his partner from pain, and not tell. In fact, he/she is protecting himself from the anticipated pain of feeling guilt and the marriage breaking up because of the betrayal. Broken trust hurts, but the longer it goes on, the deeper the pain. It is the deception following a betrayal that is more likely to cause the break up of a relationship. So I say go ahead and rip the bandage off.

I also believe forgiveness is very important also. One forgives but doesn't forget. Please see two excellent articles I have posted on this shattered trust, Crucial Steps to Rebuilding Trust and How to Rebuild your Foundation. Another necessary ingredient for rebuilding a marriage involves the willingness of unfaithful spouses to demonstrate sincere regret and remorse. Its not just about saying I am sorry but showing the person you are in every regard. They will have to realize they have to be more accountable now also : to answer to you where they are, what they are doing, who they were with, etc.

When recalling memories of negative or positive events that helped to shape our identity, such as a break-up or marriage, we tend to downplay the fear, anger or other negative emotions experienced at the time and remember more of the positive emotions, new study findings indicate.

COMMUNICATE

This book is a super survival guide for Infidelity written by Don-David Lusterman, a psychologist in New York believes that couples who work hard can save their marriages following an affair: "People often find that once infidelity is discovered and its aftereffects are behind them, their relationship is stronger than before, and subsequent infidelity is unlikely."

Here is an Excerpt from the book: Infidelity
The truth doesn't come out all at once.
Admitting the truth and expressing remorse is an excellent beginning. Usually the discoverer will want details, dates and more to confirm their suspicions.

The best case is that they admit their confusion and stop hiding what their doing. If the discoverer hopes the marriage will survive, he or she should know that confusion, as opposed to certainty, is a good sign. When they are confused, they keep communicating with their mates. This often brings them closer together even though it is very stressful.

Many couples admit that "recovery" isn't a "one-shot" miracle.

In these conversations the couples can talk carefully about the confusion. So keep the communications open. Patience and perseverance are required of both parties.

Work on Your Marriage today - Have You Ever Stayed Awake at Night Stressing About Whether or not Your Marriage Will Last ... And What Can You Possibly do to Save it? Are you worried about the other woman?

If you are suspicious can you get him/her to call you when he is going to be late? Just say you need to know is all whether to have supper ready or you will prepare it later. Perhaps then you can follow him from work or have a close friend do so? Another recommendation is a GPS slim line vehicle tracker but it is quite expensive $679. You can use these GPS units all over the world - they are based on the global positioning satelites which you can get in any country they will work. Yes even woman can install them quick and easy. If you are not sure hire a private investigator -- most importantly, do not get caught.

Change of sex habits is also an indication i.e. either they really get more into sex or withdraw completely. Most important of all: If you suspect your husband of having an affair, take steps to protect yourself. Do not put yourself at risk for HIV/AIDS, herpes, hep. or other sexually transmitted diseases. I am not kidding you.
Can you check out his clothes when he comes home? Usually sooner or later they leave evidence behind. What about his credit cards? Does he make telephone calls behind your back to her on weekends? Try *69 to see the number he dialed. You can get the person's name from your library reverse directory. Call the other person's number with *67.

Get this ebook downloadable as soon as possible:
What Everyone Needs to Know About Extramarital Affairs...and what you can do to help
by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, Visit his website - click here
The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful dynamics. Trust is shattered – of one's ability to discern the truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the other person, but to learn to trust one's self. Another is the power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

Do not confront him without your proof because they will cover their tracks immediately if discovered. Use all your senses and your intuition. Your first feeling is always right.