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Strategies To Keep
Anger At Bay
courtesy of American Psychological Association
Relaxation Simple
relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down
angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques,
and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If
you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might
be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Some
simple steps you can try: Breathe
deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture
your breath coming up from your "gut." Slowly
repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy."
Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use
imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous,
slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're
in a tense situation. Cognitive
Restructuring Simply
put, this means changing the way you think.  | Angry
people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their
inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and
overly dramatic. |
Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of
telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined,"
tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset
about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to
fix it anyhow." Be
careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about
yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're
always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make
you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem.
They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work
with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to
fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel
worse). Logic
defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational.
So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not
out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily
life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help
you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness,
appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these
things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry
people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes
anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware
of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other
words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I
demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what
you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment,
hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling
hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Managing Anger Workbooks,
Overcoming Anger Videos
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