| Advice
on Cheating Spouses
Dr. Huizenga answers the question that many people today are asking themselves
about their cheating spouses. He prepares you for what you may uncover and talks
about what to do with the information, should you discover your cheating spouses,
boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating. This
ground breaking info provides in-depth analysis of kinds of affairs, giving the
knowledge, confidence and a game plan to know exactly what you must do more quickly
to to know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free.
DO NOT TALK to or involve family members or
the person they are having the affair with.
DO NOT
quote biblical verses to them.
DO Not leave the
affair to chance. Do Not wait for "time to heal."
DO Not waste time with simplistic suggestions or
vague generalities. Do Not act out of desperation.
DO NOT TALK to your cheating spouses until you read
this: Click
Here for more Dr.Bob's coaching for cheating spouses Everyone
has written about what to do when your partner/cheating spouses have cheated on
you. Take my advice -- here are some guidelines of what not to do: Do
Not Kick them Out or Leave your cheating spouses Yet
Continue Monitoring Their Activities. Be your own detective on your cheating spouses
if you have to. Do
Not Ignore The Situation with cheating spouses. Don't pretend it isn't happening.
Many people will deny they are having an affair also. Start to converse about
exactly what is going on. The sooner you confront the issue the better off you
are. Don't Tell
Everyone you Know about your cheating spouses. If you have to tell someone be
very careful who they are.
They may be having the affair with your partner.
Very often close friends or families take sides and cause resentments. Do
Not Waste your Time and Energy on The Other Cheater. Focus your current energy
on your marriage efforts. Do
not loose your cool with your cheating spouses.. Stop arguing, shouting, blaming
and punishing. This doesn't work and never has.
New
Technology for Cheating Spouses
 Call
Recorder Card - record your cheating spouses - digital recording without the recorder
- Click
Here
Only records while they are talking.
From 250 - 500 minutes.
How
Could You Do This to Me Cheating Spouses
At one time or another we have all been betrayed by someone we trusted, all
felt the sting of deceit and subsequent shattering of self-confidence. Once trust
is broken, it is much like a glass window; it cannot be fixed. It can be taped,
glued, pieced together, etc. It can never be the intact and unbroken window it
once was.
How
Could You Do This to Me - click here  | Recovery
from broken trust (not trusts) lies in gently picking up the broken pieces, putting
them in some type of order, and attempting to keep them there, an almost impossible
task, and one too often for objective professionals. |
Spying
on your Cheating Spouses Do
not use what you find on your cheating spouses as ammunition for revenge. Sure,
you may have wonderfully violent fantasies of what you would really like to do
to him/her and the other person. This is very normal. But, don’t act them
out. Using what
you find to extract revenge will only lengthen the time of pain and anger. It
will undermine your integrity as a person, lower your personal standards and make
you exceedingly unattractive. Resist
the temptation to sling the mud! You
want to know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free. Seeing
signs of cheating spouses often mean secrets.  | Secrets
are work! People take extraordinary measures to tip toe around it, but it IS there.
|
It is the proverbial elephant sitting in the room that no one dare talk about. Emotionally,
you can’t miss it. Secrets are a drain. If the secret persists, its impact
is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People become physically ill, sometimes
seriously so. People become depressed. Be
your Own Detective on your Cheating Spouses - Click
here Most cheating
spouses use the internet as a tool for their cheating.
Multiple
Affairs - Cheating Spouses Multiple
affairs may indicate an addiction to sex, love, or romance. Love and romance addicts
are driven by the passion of a new relationship. Sexual addicts are compulsively
attracted to the high and the anxiety release of sexual orgasm. But such release
comes with a price - feelings of shame and worthlessness. Those who have multiple
affairs are somewhat strange. They often feel that nothing is wrong with it. Philanderers
perceive extramarital sex as an entitlement of gender or status and take advantage
of opportunities without guilt or withdrawal symptoms. Meanwhile we still typecast
the offenders. The cheating spouse who leaves his or her marriage after an affair
is most often a woman
This article is courtesy of AAMFT.
www.aamft.org
| |
Survival
for Cheating Spouses NEW Three
Steps to Clearing Your Mind from Negative Thoughts After the Affair
Dr. Frank Gunzburg
What
follows is a 3-step program for looking at your negative thoughts, challenging
the believability of these thoughts, and replacing them with more self-affirming
statements.If you tend toward skepticism, it might be difficult for you to believe
that these techniques are effective. However, these techniques are adapted from
the core of cognitive therapy, a psychotherapeutic healing modality that has proven
effective in helping people that suffer from all kinds of negative thinking in
study after study.Please take your time and work through each step completely.
If you do this, you will amplify the effect of the work that we are about to do. Step
1: Track Your Thoughts
Thoughts
drive your feelings. When you think about something negative you tend to feel
bad. On the other hand, if you think about something positive, you tend to feel
good. This is simply common sense. Everyone knows this.However, when you are wrapped
up in difficult, negative emotions, it isn’t always easy to see what thoughts
are behind your painful feelings. When you have been injured in an affair, this
is often the case. You are so overcome with feelings of betrayal and rage that
you sometimes fail to see what thoughts are behind these feelings.If you feel
like you are having a hard time distinguishing your thoughts from your feelings,
or even one thought from another, thought tracking can be an immense help to you.
Even if you don’t seem to have these kinds of problems, this first step will
help you get a good track record of what you are thinking and will allow you the
opportunity to see if there are any consistent patterns
to your thoughts. Step
2: Challenging the Believability of Your Thoughts
Now
that you have a fairly good record of your negative thoughts about the affair
and you have examined various patterns in your thinking, it is time to start challenging
these thoughts.In order to do this, we are going to take various negative thoughts
you had over the last week and put them to a reality test. You can certainly use
this process for thoughts that are coming up for you right now as well. However,
it is useful to start practicing this skill on a thought you already recorded.
Once you hone the skill, you can put it to use at your command. The
Reality Test Choose
one of your challenging recurring negative thoughts. The thought that you choose
should bring up some discomfort and negative feelings for you. Our goal in this
part of the exercise will be to undermine that discomfort by disproving the reality
of the thought.Write down the thought you have chosen to work with. Then, ask
yourself the following questions: »
How realistic or logical is this thought in the world at large?» Is there
an argument against the thought?» What actual evidence do I have that this
thought is true?» Even if it were true, what would it practically mean for
me and my situation right now? Try
and answer these questions as objectively as you can. Step
3: Using Self-Affirmations
Self-talk
is a powerful influence on the way people think, feel, and act. Self-talk is the
stuff we internally say about ourselves all the time. Everyone has a certain amount
of self-talk going on most of the time. We constantly judge ourselves and talk
to ourselves (in our minds) about these judgments.In today’s society, the
idea that you can “accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative”
makes most of us shudder a bit. We are cynical and skeptical enough to believe
that any attempt at encouraging positive thinking in our lives is a losing battle.Nothing
could be further from the truth. Nothing can help you more in your situation than
to remind yourself that you are a worthwhile, lovable person. Of course, we will
temper these self-affirmations with a bit of reality. I am not going to try and
have you convince yourself that you are the single greatest person on the planet
and that you deserve to be the queen or king. It is unlikely you would buy that
anyway. But I am guessing that right now you are feeling more like the lowest
person on the earth, and that isn’t a healthy or realistic place for you
to be. What I
would like for you to do is take the same thought that we worked with in the last
exercise. Do some reality testing on it as you did before. Ask yourself whether
the thought is realistic or logical and whether you can find an argument against
it. See what evidence you have to support the thought, and what would practically
change for you if the thought were true. Click
Here - Surviving
an Affair
How to Deal with Cheating Spouses- click
here
Could
your partner be pulled in by "just seeing" how easy it is to cheat?
You and millions of other Americans saw on Dr. Phil how over 425,000 cheating
spouses are going online to cheat with "real-time" partners. Could yours
be one of them? Or do you have a feeling something’s going on already?
 Cheating
Spouses - do you feel anger, lack self-esteem now? This is a good time to work
on you, in fact be you. Be your authentic self. Don't try to change for the other
person. Do it for you. You are not helpless. You do have power; more than what
you probably realize.
 Remember:
Cheating Spouses are:
Most
victims of cheatiing spouses are in DENIAL.
Secrecy
and danger are part of the unrealistic excitement of an affair. Dishonesty
is the enemy of intimacy.
The
discovered person often feels as scared and confused as the discoverer.
Expose
the Cheating Spouses Affair
Expose
the affair. This is one of the hardest things for me to convince people to do.
And it is the one of the most essential moves you can make – if not the most
essential. If you do ignore this you are enabling the affair by making it safe
and easy. Affairs are addictions that flourish in the dark and hidden places.
They are fantasies built on deceit – of both the exterior world and the inner
consciousness of the participants. Often times it is only with exposure that affairs
end.
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