| Q.
Dear
Maple: I
feel my wife is preoccupied with the internet and I have control over the service
bill payment and I am disconnecting it for now. How should I counsel her while
this is taking place? Joe
I
found out about my wife's affair last year Feb. 06. Why is it that I can't get
it out of my head. Ever since I found out we fight every day, what is worse we
fight in front of our 5 yr. and 7 yr. old girls.I love her but I hate what she
did to me, in fact I hate the _ _ _ with so much I wish I could do something
to him. I won't for my family's sake but it's eating me up inside. I forgave her
in words but my heart hasn't. It's too much pain, anger mostly the sad part is
going away but the hate is still there. Please help if you can with some advice
I can't go on any longer feeling like this. Thanks Ricky
My
wife had what she termed a flirtatious relationship with another man. I found
love notes and cards that would lead one to believe it was much more than claimed.
We initially started marriage counseling. We attended two sessions at which time
my wife decided it was beneficial to me but not helping her. I have since continued
the counseling as the affair has shaken me to the core. While we were both in
counseling my wife continued to contact the other man through a prepaid cell phone.
I have so many questions. Primarily, what do I do? I feel I am the only one trying
to make this work. I am trying not to smother her but yet she still comes home
late and makes up reasons to go out alone. Thank you for your consideration. Tom
We
been married for 10 years and have 3 kids: 8, 6 and 4. My wife doesn't love
me anymore and has mostly negative feelings about the past. I found out about
a 2 year affair she was having about 1 year ago. We've tried several counselors
but she still has hate and anger towards me and dwells on the past with a negative
viewpoint. Our marriage has been very stressful with the kids and my career. She
has not been very supportive and treats me with little respective. I am at my
wits end having dealt with the infidelity and little respect for the past 5 years.
I really want our marriage to work out but do not see her wanting the same. I
feel that I'm just spinning my wheels with little to no positive progress. When
do I know that our marriage is truly a lost cause and it's time to move on? What
can I do to get her to move towards me? I feel like my only options are to either
tolerate her complacency or leave the marriage. Mike
My
wife and I have been having problems these past few months communicating. Recently,
she suggested we go to counseling and we had our first session last week. We have
been talking ever since. I
have noticed though, when she goes out alone, things are taking longer to get
done, ex. Food shopping three hours when it used to be one, emails from our home
computer in secret at odd times of the day, hiding her cell phone in the house.
She is going
out on Wednesday night and she told me about it. She first told me she was going
to watch her friend's dog and now she is telling me she is going out to dinner
with her friends. I
know something is going on, but I'm afraid to ask. I love my wife with all my
heart and soul, but I want to approach her about possible cheating. How
do I do this without any real proof? How do I know she isn't lying to me when
I already think she is? Anon.
I
have a problem I have some feelings for my friend's wife. I feel the need to be
around her to talk to her to pick on her, etc. I feel as though I want more and
more of her attention. I love them both my friend and his wife, The only problem
is this Dec. I will be married to my wife for 1 year. My wife is nothing like
my friend's wife, my friend's wife is outgoing, sweet, smiles a lot, has that
southern accent when she talks, likes the things I like and her husband likes,
she's someone I wished I had married or married her before my friend did. My wife
nags, whines, rather sleep her life away than to be with me and enjoy some of
the things I like. I really try to be there for my wife and pls. her an any way
but I always find myself thinking of my friends wife. Well I pretty much let you
know whose on my mind. I know this isn't right and I would feel bad if my friend
knew. Could you tell me why I'm having such strong feelings towards the wrong
woman. What can I do the help myself be 100% there for my wife.
Thank much,
Brandon
My fiancee
and I have been together for 4 years. My fiancee has been married twice before,
I have been married once before. About 2 years ago, she told me she was uncertain
about our relationship and wanted to start seeing one of her ex-lovers to see
if there anything still existed. I broke off our relationship. She came back the
next day saying she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together. Five months
ago, I found out that my fiancee had secretly had an affair with a married man
several years ago while we were together and had made plans to leave town to she
him again this past April. She had also had an affair with the same married man
during her first marriage. I broke up with her again vowing never to have anything
to do with her. She came back to me after a month saying she had broken everything
off with the married man and had canceled her trip to see him. She said I was
the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and could not see herself
with any other man. I decided to get back with her again under the condition that
she have no further contact whatsoever with her ex-lovers. I told her I need her
to show true remorse, that she had no other men romantically involved in her live
and that I was the only man that she was intimate with. I am at a cross roads
right now and I think it is time I end this relationship for good. She has shown
no remorse for her past actions. I have brought the issue up a couple of times
and she insists I am damaging our relationship by not letting go of the past.
I found out recently that she is still talking to her married ex-lover. I also
suspect out that one of her old male friends may be much more. I recently found
an e-mail from him and he crazy about her and says he misses her dearly. I feel
that I cannot trust my fiancee and think it is time I move on. What should I do?
Mike Do
you really want to save the marriage or do you think you should hang in there
for religious, moral or other should reasons? Most spouses who partner
with those who cant say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do
you want to do the right thing? Are you willing to continue feeling the humiliation
and facing the dangers because you believe you should stay in the marriage? Do
convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?
Dr. Bob can answer
all these questions in detail.Check
Out Dr. Huizenga's Marriage Saving Solutions today...don't delay...
I
am a 28 year old male who's been married for 1 year and 45 days. Just recently
I made one of the most heart wrenching discoveries ever. I found out that my new
wife (who is 22 years old) has been cheating on me for a year and a half. My heart
is completely broken and I think I'm going out of my mind. I was using our computer
when I noticed an email address account that was unfamiliar to me. I clicked on
it to discover a secret name that my wife had been using to communicate with a
married man. The emails went into details about them loving each other, not wanting
to make mistakes, the possibilities of have sex, etc. Here is where it gets interesting;
they never met face to face. The have only been sending emails and talking on
the phone. The emails did indicate that physical interactions (sex, seeing, touching,
kissing, etc.) had not taken place. However, they were scheduled to meet in Baton
Rouge, LA but Katrina had other plans. I was supposed to attend a work-related
conference there but the storm forced my job to change locations so my wife and
I never made it to LA. When we talk about it she says her reason for doing it
was the "excitement" or anticipation of receiving responses. She said
she liked being in control (which I say she never had). She insists that she did
not love him, have any emotional attachments, or plan on having a physical relationship.
To her it was strictly about getting responses and being in control. I totally
disagree. I feel she did love him (why else would she say it in an email), had
emotional attachments, and was going to have a physical relationship with him.
CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME/US? I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy and my wife
is having suicidal thoughts every day. Will we ever see eye to eye and be able
to go back to the way it was. Thank you. John
How can I advice my wife who is committing adultery to break up with the person
she is committing adultery with? Tawaih
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you to do it. I
became friends with this girl 2 years ago when I had a girlfriend too but I wasn't
living at home during that time. My friend and I became close and ended up taking
things further like sex. I have moved back home and married my girlfriend and
now im finding myself wanting to be close to my friend that I left behind in another
state. I call her more than I do my own wife I can't get her out of my head and
cant stop thinking about her I even find myself wanting to be with her and have
sex with her again. What can I do and why am I having these feelings towards her
and not my wife? Please help me. Lance I
found out that my wife has been seeing her old boyfriend and lover when she visits
her parents. They have also been corresponding. It's been going on for a very,
very long time. It was a total surprise for me. I was shocked. She maintains she
did nothing wrong because "nothing happened." She says they weren't
having sex and she says their "meetings" weren't romantic. But, assuming
she is telling the truth, it seems to me that having dinner, corresponding, exchanging
photographs and going for walks with your old lover is pretty romantic. She says
she didn't tell me about it because she didn't think I'd mind. I consider this
contact a huge betrayal of our marriage. Am I nuts? Wouldn't most spouses consider
this a betrayal? Doug
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