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HOW
TO ATTRACT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE
By E.K.Bernshaw 1.
Who you think you are is important. Like attracts like. Think about it. Do you
like who you are? 2.
What you want in a relationship is important, and when you are willing to ask
for it, you will be able to create it. But only ask for what you want when you
are clear about what it is. Until then, don't go around demanding things you just
think you should have. 3.
We get exactly what we focus on. The problem or the solution. We make a choice
between them with every decision we make. 4.
Tell yourself the truth about what you want, not what other ( family, friends,
spouse) say your should have. 5.
Tell everyone else your truth about what you want. Don't be afraid to share your
vision and dreams. 6.
You are not defined by your relationships unless you choose to be. Consider what
it says about you if you deed over your soul to one. 7.
Interdependent (two independent functional people) relationships are the only
ones that work, long term. 8.
Truth is the first thing necessary to create trust in our relationships. Respect
is earned from trust, and love is earned from respect. Intimacy is the gift we
get when we risk telling the truth. See the hierarchy of a functional relationship 9.
Fear of intimacy is fear of the truth. Your truth is better for you than someone
else's. Just get to know what it is so you can own it. 10.
If your relationship is not getting better, it is probably getting worse. Life
is dynamic and nothing ever stays the same. 11.
Every relationship is unique. It takes what it takes to work. If you want it to
work, you have to work it. No shortcuts. No 50/50 deals. 12.
It's not your job to fix your mate, and it's not his or her job to fix you. Take
the relationship and what your mate says at face value and stop reading into it
what you'd like to hear. We can work with what's real. It's impossible to deal
with what's not real. 13.
Unconditional love is an inside job. If you haven't gotten it by now, guess what...start
working from within. When you can give it to yourself, you'll be ready to give
it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you'll recognize it when
it's given to you. 14.
If you both are committed to creating a functional relationship, agree to start
doing it today, without any judgments about the past. Be willing to work in the
solution and let go of your need to control the outcome, moment to moment, one
day at a time. Joy can only be experienced in the present moment. 15.
Most of our fears about what may happen in this relationship are really fears
we experienced in past relationships, and have nothing to do with this person.
Come to grips with what's real and what's Memorex! 16.
When in an argument, ask yourself Does this really PASS THE SO WHAT TEST? For
you to be right, does the other person have to be wrong? Think about it. Life
is short. Don't waste it on arguments that have no meaning or purpose. You can
always agree to disagree if you need to. Then laugh about it and go on to the
next thing. Start observing your arguing as just another one of our dysfunctional,
immature habits that need to be broken. 17.
When we finally learn to say we are sorry (at 3 or 93) we get to finally hear
we are O.K. To error is human, and there is great virtue in all forgiveness, ourselves
included. The best ways to teach our children this lesson is by watching us demonstrate
it. 18. Any negative,
hurtful or sarcastic remark is abusive. Like a sharp knife, each word will carve
out a chunk of a loving relationship that can never grow back. Please consider
the source and the outcome of your remarks, before you open you mouth to tell
your truth. courtesy:
http://www.transitionscounseling.com/ Eve K. Bernshaw
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