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Emotional
Abuse
Author:
christine bettridge Emotional
abuse can be defined as the systematic tearing down of another human being through
such methods as rejection, isolation, terrorizing, put downs, and more. Most people
don't consider emotional abuse a serious matter, they think of it as one form
of misunderstanding in a relationship. They also think that it only qualifies
as abuse when a woman is punched or slapped around. Unfortunately, the wounds
from verbal abuse can run just as deep and take longer to heal than the black
eyes and bruises of physical abuse. When
a person endures such behavior for a prolonged period of time, they can become
a shadow of their former selves. The bad thing about emotional abuse is that it
is gradual, so much so that the woman involved may not even realize that she is
a victim of abuse. Everything may look normal, but the relationship just isn't
right. What most
people don't understand is that an emotionally abusive relationship doesn't start
out that way. In the beginning, your partner was probably caring and attentive,
sweeping you off your feet. Once you were convinced that "he was the one,”
things slowly began to change. Maybe there was a little comment about the house
being dusty, so you made a mental note to always keep the house clean. Maybe he
just picked at his food, so you began to go out of your way to only cook what
he liked. Over
time, you began to shift your focus from your needs to keeping the peace and making
him happy. This isn't necessarily a bad thing to an extent; we all try to do things
to please our mate. It becomes a problem when your whole focus in life revolves
around keeping him happy. Your relationship becomes dysfunctional when you begin
to feel that everything wrong in the relationship is your fault and that if you
can somehow fix your flaws, then everything will be okay.
When you begin to
believe that you aren't good enough, smart enough, or just aren't plain "enough"
for your partner; you begin to lose all sense of yourself. It no longer matters
what you want out of life, and you've forgotten what it means to be happy. You
end up being a robot; merely surviving from day to day as you feelings become
numb from dealing with the emotional abuse. Here
are some things to consider to determine of your relationship is heading towards
emotional abuse. •
The main issues in your relationship always remains unresolved.
• You
quit bringing up subjects to discuss with your partner because you think nothings
going to change.
• You feel that you are the one who should do everything
just to find peace in the relationship.
• You cannot express your opinions
freely because you’re afraid it might be wrong or it may trigger his anger.
• You are holding yourself not to get angry because you don’t want
to pick a fight with him.
• You give in to his sexual demands just to
gain peace.
• You do all ways to please him but in the end you still get
unnoticed?
• You are being blamed for his misfortunes in life?
•
You are always told to clean the house.
• You are being blamed for him
having his affairs with other woman because he said you are not meeting his needs.
• You live on a strict budget but he spends his money freely with everything
he wants without considering you.
• You feel like you're not an equal
partner; that his needs and wants always come first
• You always think
that he is right and you are wrong.
• You often feel like you're just
not good enough.
• He say “I love you but…,” making his
love conditional on something you do or don't do.
• He often has outbursts
over trivial things.
• You find yourself second-guessing your every move
so that you don't anger him.
• He continually questions where you've been,
who you were with, and whether you're having an affair.
• He makes snide
remarks and rude comments about your close friends and family. If
you experience these things you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship.
You probably feel a sort of emptiness and unhappiness about life in general. While
everything may look normal on the outside, the continual struggle to be perfect
and keep your man happy is probably wearing you down. If
emotional abuse plays a part in your relationship, you need to remind yourself
that you aren't to blame for the situation. You deserve just as much happiness
and stability in your life as your partner does. Seek help from friends and other
counseling centers if you need to get advice about your relationship.
C.
F. Bettridge has loved writing since early childhood. She has written plays, poetry,
and many articles. © Cypress Street Publishing. Courtesy:http://www.articlealley.com
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