Emotional Infidelity

FLIRTING

WITH

DISASTER

My husband came home from his office talking about a newly divorced female coworker and her problems. My husband says they are just friends. I even invited her to my house to talk about her problems woman to woman as I like helping others. They are always going for lunch together. Now she is phoning my house and wanting to chat with my husband all the time after work hours and on weekends. Now she is phoning to want to talk with my children and my children even feel uncomortable with this. I don't think my marriage is bad. Is there something wrong with my relationship that he would enjoy/need this friendship? I'm friends with men at work, but I know when to back off and I'm careful not to encourage anyone with hopes of anything more than being straight office colleagues. I don't go out for lunch with them or after work drinks. I come home to my family. What should I do? -- LK

Does this story sound familiar? Where do we draw the fine line on work relationships? Do women fear emotional infidelity more than men? Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.

Fortunately LK stopped this coworker fast in her tracks before she started an affair with her husband. She exposed the affair to the boss's owner. The boss really respects her husband as an important employee firstly, then father and their family. Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust.

You don't have to have sex to cheat on your marriage, counsels M. Gary Neuman in his practical and provocative book, Emotional Infidelity. Neuman, a therapist, family mediator, and rabbi, suggests that when you invest your emotional energy in opposite-sex coworkers or friends--instead of focusing on your spouse--you are unfaithful to your marriage.

Take a quick check: Do you send that funny e-mail to your friends at work—but not to your spouse? Do you chew over all the problems on the job so thoroughly with your colleagues that by the time you get home, you just don’t feel like going into it all over again? Do you get a secret thrill out of flirting with coworkers—thinking it’s safe because you know it’s not going any further? If so, you’re committing emotional infidelity—and you’re draining your marriage of the energy it needs to be great.

Emotional affairs are an affair without any physical touching extramarital emotional involvement, emotional infidelity or an emotional affair. Friendships, whether they are hatched over the Internet or in the flesh, begin and develop quickly when someone connects with a person who appears to be empathetic and who shares common interests. The first transgression of an emotional infidelity is when two people share information about problems in their primary relationship that their respective partner would feel was a violation.

In the new crisis of infidelity, platonic friendships and workplace relationships are turning into emotional affairs, usually gradually, often without premeditation. Parties cross boundaries of emotional intimacy, sharing intimate information with a friend that is usually appropriately the exclusive territory of a husband or wife. When emotional boundaries are overstepped, the partner has taken the first step onto the slippery slope leading to emotional and eventually sexual infidelity. Even if the infidelity is "only" emotional, it often leads to a double life of deception and sexuality, threatening once secure marriages.

The following ten rules of avoiding potentially damaging relationships with members of the opposite sex from Emotional Infidelity by M. Gary Neuman.

Rule 1: Keep It All Business at the Office
Rule 2: Avoid Meetings with Members of the Opposite Sex Outside of the Workplace
Rule 3: Meet in Groups
Rule 4: Find Polite Ways of Ending Personal Conversations
Rule 5: Avoid Consistency in the Relationship
Rule 6: Don’t Share Your Personal Feelings
Rule 7: Be Unflinchingly Honest with Yourself
Rule 8: Avoid Cordial Kisses and Hugs, or Dancing with Members of the Opposite Sex
Rule 9: Don’t Drink Around the Opposite Sex
Rule 10: Show Your Commitment to Your Spouse Daily

Some of these rules may unassumingly sound extreme but even one kiss comes a certain intimacy.

An emotional affair can be as damaging as a sexual affair, because an emotional connection is what people really want. Emotional intimacy is when you go outside of that bond created by marriage to someone else, either for sexual, personal or spiritual gratification.

Surviving Infidelity - Advice from An Expert

So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win her back.” He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises, etc. It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found “love.” If you bombard her/him with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.

Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!” Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain! read more - click here

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local emergency 911 or a Counselor nearby