pain and confusion experienced when the affair is first revealed will likely create
a multitude of feelings, personal and relational conflicts, and confusion. The
goal of this stage is to normalize your reaction to the affair and then provide
you with a language for talking about the infidelity. Normalizing your reactions
is the first step in overcoming the numerous losses you may be experiencing such
loss of stability,
peace, comfort, trust, and joy;
feeling insane, angry, depressed, scared;
and questioning marriage vows, ideals, values, and beliefs.
simple formula called TLC:
has been tried
and utilized in rebuilding marriages.
the TRUST in your relationship by regaining the confidence and understanding you
once had. No relationship can even begin to heal without the reestablishment of
trust. Well show you simple to use techniques that really work.
#2. You immediately implement Love in your relationship by saying and doing a
variety of options that are sure to get the positive attention of your spouse.
#3. The final step involves Commitment. Understand that relationships are not
a one shot deal. A true relationship involves a daily commitment for
the rest of your lives that entails dedication and resolve from the both of you.
What good is
it to get back together with your spouse only to have it fall apart two months
down the road? In this formula, well show you how to keep that commitment
going with minimal effort and maximum results Click
to Cope with Tragedy
Make room in your life for healing.
If you are facing a major life challeng
or tragedy, give yourself lots of room to heal. Back off on your commitments.
Put volunteer activities on hold. Make extreme self-care a top priority. Ask for
more help than you think you need. Don't make any major life decisions.
yourself to feel whatever you feel. Remember that self-pity is a normal part of
the healing process. Give yourself a limited amount of time to feel sorry for
yourself. You might curl up in your favorite pajamas with your favorite comfort
food and have a good cry. It's important to make space for the pain. If you don't
deal with it, it waits for you. Get the support you need to heal your pain so
you can begin to move on with your life.
of allhave enormous compassion for yourself!
Attach meaning to the tragedy.
Regardless of the tragedy, you can decide right
now to make this event a defining moment in your life. It may not make sense,
and you may feel angry or deeply saddened, but making this decision can direct
the course of your life in a more positive way. The simple decision to proclaim
that this event will be a defining moment can be enough to make a huge difference.
3. Reclaim your power.
At some point during your healing process,
there will come a time when you decide to reclaim your power and shift from feeling
like a victim to being a victor. How will you use this tragedy to improve your
life? How has the healing made you a better person? Refuse to think of yourself
as a victim, take responsibility for your life, and you're ready for the next
Find the gift.
Behind every tragedy there is a gift. You may not see it at
first, but a tragedy can provide enormous opportunity. For example, you may decide
to completely re-evaluate the direction of your life or use the support you receive
from loved ones as a way to strengthen your relationships. Most people find that
living through tragedy allows them to tap into an inner strength that they never
knew existed. By connecting with yourself in this way, you'll find a reservoir
of courage and creativity that leads you to your authentic self. When the time
is right, the gift will reveal itselfif you make a point to look for it.
Whether to Recommit or Quit
In order for your emotions
to settle down, you must first discover whether you want to make the relationship
work, or end the partnership. This requires self-examination by both partners.
As well, ideals that you have held dearly must be addressed and their importance
now re-evaluated. For example, marriage is forever, love conquers all, or trust
cannot be regained.
you decide to recommit, go to a therapist. If you decide to quit, the both of
you should agree to go to Collaborative Divorce or a Mediator.
Your Grip on Life
Do you want . . .
to communicate to him how much he has hurt me.
to find a way to trust him
getting him to understand the past.
want him to know how much I've
to avoid divorce.
less expensive than face-to-face counseling.
3-month guarantee so you have nothing to lose.If
you need Professional Advice I highly recommend reading Dr. Gunzberg's latest
you handle your situation now sets the stage your how your relationship will be
for the rest of your life. If your relationship is one of cooperation and support,
your future will be a lot easier.
is particularly true if you have children. You will be interacting with the other
person for many years to come. A good relationship will make an enormous difference
in the quality of your life.
is also the most important thing you can do for your children. By far, the single
biggest factor in the well-being of children is how well their parents get along.
You have the
ability to end the conflict and heal your relationship, one human being to another.
You just need to know how -