How
to Reconnect With Your Spouse
| We
all know how important communication skills are but how do you reconnect with
your spouse after the devastation of an affair? |  |
Making
Your Marriage Work
by
Janet Moody
EAP COUNSELOR
In
this day and age with the large percentage of couples getting divorced, what are
some of the ingredients that create a good and lasting marriage? Although, there
are many more, I've listed some below.
1.
Priority. First of all, if you want to make your marriage work, make your spouse
the most important person in your life and your marriage a top priority. This
means being willing to put the time, energy, and commitment to making it work.
It's true that in order to get something in life we must be willing to give up
something. To obtain something, such as having a good marriage, it may mean giving
up something such as things, activities or people that interfere with or diminish
your marriage. Alcoholism, drug addition, adultery and workaholism, for example,
are all activities that interfere with creating and maintaining a good marriage.
2. Encouragement.
Try to be encouraging and a motivating person to your spouse. Criticism and constant
negative comments can destroy a good relationship. Most of us are bombarded with
various stressful situations throughout the day. All of us need and want encouragement
from our spouse. Try to make encouraging statements to your spouse every day.
Be sincere and let your words flow from your heart. Look for small things that
your spouse does well, such as cooking a tasty meal or attending to a household
responsibility and compliment your spouse on what your spouse did well. The more
you do this, the easier and more natural it will become. As you continue to do
this for several weeks, months and years, you will watch your spouse's self-esteem
and confidence blossom forth like a rose.
3.
Fun. It's so easy to get bogged down with the many responsibilities of life. It's
difficult to find time to just play and have fun. One of the best to ways to connect
with your spouse is to find activities that you mutually enjoy doing. It can be
something fairly simple such as taking a walk to something more elaborate like
planning vacations together. The more days of sunshine and fun that you can have,
the easier it will be to handle the stormy days that every marriage faces.
4.
Communication. Try to be your spouse's best communicator and confidant. This means
creating an atmosphere where your spouse feels that they can come to you and reveal
to you what's on their mind and in their heart. This means trying to understand
things from your spouse's point of view and putting yourself in "the other
person's shoes." Try to be sensitive to your spouse's needs and try to find
ways to help your spouse meet those needs.
5.
Conflict resolution. There will be areas of conflict and disagreement in your
marriage. It is normal for all couples to experience conflict in their marriage.
What matters is how these conflicts are dealt with. Learn how to negotiate disagreements
in a respectful manner. Learn to view conflict in your marriage as a challenge
and as an opportunity for growth. This takes a lot of work, patience and practice.
Resolving conflicts in a respectful manner will make your marriage stronger.
6.
Commitment. It's easy to love your spouse when your spouse is being pleasant and
when things in your life are going well. It's a lot more difficult to love your
spouse when your spouse is not being pleasant and when things in your life are
not going well. Commitment involves being true to yourself, your spouse and your
marriage vows. It means trying to endure the difficult times, "for better
or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death
do us part."
Some
of you as you read this are probably thinking, "Yeah, all that sounds real
nice, but you don't know me, my spouse or what we've been through." You're
right, I don't know. But what I do know is that you will reap what you sow when
you apply the above principles. Perfect marriages don't exist in the real world.
But couples who are willing to put the time, energy and commitment to making their
marriage work, will be able to reap the flame of love and keep their marriage
growing.
Courtesy of: http://www.dcmilitary.com
Feeling
Emotionally Disconnected?
The good news is that you can reconnect with your spouse. But doing so,
says Gary Neuman, author of Emotional
Infidelity: How to Avoid It and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Marriage
requires you to be unflinchingly honest with yourself and your behaviors.
You've
got to make a commitment to turn things around, set guidelines for your relationship,
and work toward a better future together. His four-point connection plan ensures
that you and your spouse are constantly putting loving energy into your relationship.
Have Five Touch
Points a Day
Touch your spouse lovingly at least five times a day. Kissing,
hugging, and hand holding are all healthy touch points. Try to make each touch
point meaningful, letting your spouse know that he or she is in your thoughts
every day.
Have
Four Talk Points a Week
The average couple talks only four minutes a day. It's
no wonder spouses don't feel close and loved. Four days a week, plan at least
45 minutes when you can be alone together and do something you both enjoy. These
aren't times to talk about problems, but rather to increase your easygoing time
together.
Have
a Weekly Date Night
One night a week, come hell or high water, you and your
spouse should go out alone to enjoy each other's company. You can do anything,
go anywhere, and talk about anything except three things: money, children, and
work (unless it's exciting stufffor example, I got a promotion).
The
Honeymoon Night
At least once a month (this may coincide with date night),
plan a fabulous night of romance and lovemaking. Plan the details: a wonderful
meal; a fun time out on a date; a romantic movie anything that screams "romance"
to you. Make this the recharging night that will advance your relationship beyond
words.
AskMaple
- How to Reconnect
with Your Spouse
