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With
the booming billion dollar industry of porn on the internet so many partners are
wondering if internet porn is okay. This growing trend has so many people worried
about their relationships. I
would have to agree with Dr. Phil If you're looking at Internet pornography, you
need to determine if you have a problem. "Porn is to stimulate a sexual response
and the problem is that those feelings are directed towards fantasy objects, not
an addict's spouse, so what happens is affairs will grow out of an addiction to
pornography. Also, the non-addicted spouse may feel pressured into performing
for their partner to keep that partner faithful. In an effort to motivate the
pornography addict to give up their addiction or extramarital activites, spouses
will offer to "do anything." This can lead to degrading experiences
for the non-addicted spouse. "
If
your life is being controlled by your sexual desires and activities, instead of
YOU being in control of them, then you have a sex addiction and should consider
getting help. | 
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Ask
yourself these two questions:
Would you do it with your partner standing right there?
Are you turning
outside your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship?
Your answers to those questions should give you an idea of whether you
have a problem. You should also consider how your behavior affects the people
around you. You might say that looking at pornography online is harmless, but
it could have a negative emotional effect on the people you love. Conversely,
you may be hurt because your mate is looking at pornography online. You have good
reason to be upset! That sort of behavior is disrespectful to your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Explain that the pornography has to go—no ifs, ands
or buts. Don't accept excuses like "everybody looks at porn" or "It's
just the Internet." That attitude speaks volumes about the health of your
relationship. Not everyone watches porn.Your partner has to choose what's more
important: pornography or the relationship.
The
problem with treatment of Internet Porn it is not like alcohol addiction. You
can't go to your family (well other than your wife) or friends for support. Another
question you can ask your spouse is "what if the porn star was my daughter".
Repeated exposure to pornography
results in a decreased satisfaction with one's sexual partner, with the partner's
sexuality, and with the partner's sexual curiosity. End
Your Internet Porn Addiction learning
more about sexual and online addictions in general and understanding treatment
plans will help you take an active role in your husband’s work towards a
pornography-free life again. You must fight his addiction head-on as he will likely
deny any wrong-doings unless you demonstrate your ability to see through the charades.
Take the first step.
How
to Diagnose the Problem of Porn Addiction[ii]:
List
of Criteria as proposed by M. Douglas Reed
1. Recurrent failure to resist impulses to use pornography or engage in its related
activities, such as masturbation.
2. A buildup of emotional tension immediately prior to use.
3. Pleasure or relief at the time of engaging in pornography use.
4. A feeling of giving in, or a lack of control while engaging the pattern of
pornography use.
5. Some of these symptoms usually will have occurred for at least one month, or
will have occurred repeatedly over a longer period of time.
6. At least five of the following nine criteria are usually present: a.
Frequent obsession or preoccupation with pornography use, or with activity that
is preparatory to the behavior, such as going where the pornography is available;
b. Using pornography, buying it, masturbating, or other acting out behavior, to
a greater extent or over a longer period than intended;
c. Efforts to reduce, control, or stop using pornography or its related activity.
These are often accompanied by discarding cashes or collections of material, only
to repurchase again and again;
d. A great deal of time spent (1) in activities necessary for using pornography
(getting ready); (2) actually using the pornography, almost always as fantasy
material accompanied by masturbation or orgasm; and (3) recovering from its effects
(physical injury, for example, or the emotional shame, and/or degradation that
is usually felt);
e. Frequent engaging in pornography use when expected to fulfill occupational,
academic, domestic, or social obligations (such as leaving work early, extending
lunch hours, arranging trips to places where preferred pornography is readily
available; etc.);
f. Important occupational, social, or leisure activities are given up or reduced
because the user to desire to be alone, or to stay up late watching videos instead
of sleeping, etc.
g. Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent
social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or made worse
by the behavior;
h. Tolerance and escalation; need to increase the intensity of the pornography,
or frequency of its use, in order to achieve the desired effect. There is a diminished
effect with continued use of pornography of the same intensity; and
i. Irritability or tension build-up if unable to engage in pornography use or
related activities.[ii]
 Pure
Online - Online, Confidential Sexual Addiction Recovery
Advice
for wives. Want to know how to handle your husband's addiction.
How to begin
healing your marriage.
Know someone who can't stop?
Please note: The suggestions
and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in
the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or
someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact
your local emergency 911 or a Counselor nearby
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