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Q.
MAPLE:
I've been divorced for a little over a year now from a 20+ year marriage. It was
a nasty divorce & has stayed a nasty relationship since, at least on his end.
My ex was a narcissist in every sense of the word. He was either emotionally absent
or dictating & of course very controlling. Needless to say my kids (18 &
15) have never had a good relationship with him as he was very mentally &
verbally abusive. Last Xmas I got he & his family (they are very materialistic
& always want the best gifts) Xmas gifts from the kids and of course he &
his family didn't acknowledge them at all to any of us. I also sent him a bd card
from the kids & a Fathers day card which he has never acknowledged those either
to the kids. Should I get any of them gifts this year from the kids? Is there
some sort of etiquette about this? Cindy
A.
Cindy - you need to realize you are not his wife any more. By giving him gifts,
etc. you are simply playing into his behaviour. He must love it. Personally, I
wouldn't get him anything from yourself but that is my opinion. My
question would be how does he treat the children now? He is still their father
and depending on how he treats them they can get him something simple for his
birthday and Xmas. Let them decide. If they don't feel comfortable with the cards,
then don't bother. If the father still treats them abusively then get him nothing.
They know how he is treating them and they may still need time to heal. If
you want to do something really good - give to the homeless or you can call social
services and find a needy family who needs fresh food for Xmas. I
am so glad you were able to get away from him. It must be a big relief. Best
wishes,
AskMaple
Many of
you are in verbally abusive relationships. A narcissist has certain characteristics
similar to other emotional abusers. Learn what they are and how to respond so
you do not have to be the victim of narcissism (narcissistic personality disorder).
You don't have to lose your self-esteem, hope and passion for life just because
you are in a relationship with a narcissist. This experience can be a catalyst
for growth and self respect and learning how to cope with difficult events and
circumstances. Choose to learn from this experience and you do not have to be
a victim of a narcissist any more.
One
of the best web sites I have visited on this subject is:
http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html
There is also many support groups under yahoo which will enable you
to talk to other in the similar situations. Go to yahoo, then groups, then type
in narcissist.
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