Can
one maintain a relationship during internet infidelity or any infidelity for that
matter?
I thought this was a really great explanation of what is occurring
when internet romance intercedes in a chatcheater's life. It is written from the
victim's point of view and contributed by one of our members who I will call Annette.
 | Fantasy
creates the illusion of perfection and harmony. In this world of ever-changing
technology there are a myriad of ways to achieve perfection. An illusionist can
be perceived as they wish without any flaws or ugly realities discovered. |
They
can be the most charming and beautiful person in the world. No one will see them
without their make up or clipping their toenails. No one will ever know if they
have bad breath and bogeys. No one will see their haughty attitude or hatefulness
to a waitress. We only see what they chose to reveal. They can portray to have
the same values and ideas as whomever they interact with. It
is really easy to fall in love with someone so perfect. How nice it is to find
someone so seemingly matched to you. This illusionist mirrors your thoughts and
validates your perceptions. They can be conservative or liberal, opinionated or
laid-back, hyper or docile. Whatever the circumstances or feelings you project
this person follows. Like leading an orchestra, you escort the way to your heart’s
secrets. Whether you love puppies or necrophilia, they do too…immensely.
At first,
this illusion may feel a little scripted. But when faced with day to day dramas,
this is a great escape. Someone who values you and everything you say and stand
for is very validating, albeit strange. The strangeness just adds to the excitement
and you catch yourself pushing the envelope just to see how far you can go. Can
you talk candidly about anal sex without freaking them out? Probably they will
discuss anything (without reason) and say exactly the right things with each conversation.
Why would
someone become so compliant and complimentary? It is so simple. You have become
one of them. They don’t want to lose the sensation of excellence that you
have created for them. You are the same person to them that they are to you. You
are perfect and without flaws while confirming faith in them. How invigorating
to interact with someone who believes in you so completely. Every ugly word and
bad deed you’ve ever performed is undone. It’s like a complete life
do-over. Neither of you really know the human truths about the other, but you
believe with hope that you do. With
all this happy perfection going around it is easy to look away from reality. There
lays the problematic pitfall to this daydream. There are real life consequences
to this fantasy that are often overlooked. Do you really yearn to deal with daily
life dramas effectively? Or would you rather put off decisions and discussions
that seem rather dull and ordinary? With very little effort you can create and
escape hatch from the real world and be absorbed in fantastic fantasy. This disconnection
from real life makes everything seem black and white, while the fantasy is colorized
and high definition. Unfortunately
real world realities hold no allure anymore. A picturesque sunset is overlooked
and a beautiful song is unsung. All of life’s real treasures don’t seem
to hold the sparkle they once did. Holding hands with the one who knows the imperfect
you seems ridiculous. Connecting with family and friends seems like more of a
chore than a delight. Sadly, your life seems to be on hold. Even sadder is the
fact that your fantasy person is probably missing out on life too. Regrettably
this is not because you two have some sort of destiny, but because you’ve
disillusioned yourself and each other. On
the flip side, reality ruins romance. Up close and personal contact on a daily
basis reveals the true nature of human beings. You get to see warts, smell farts
and deal with human nature directly. Romance is difficult to maintain under such
circumstances. Ailments, arguments and assh*les are clearly in your face. The
magnetism of the “fantastic” beckons you with each daily mundane interaction.
Why talk openly
to a partner about finances, family or fidelity? The “fantastic” will
agree with your every word. In real life you might encounter a difference of opinion
or get ensnared in a deep discussion. You possibly abandon efforts to maintain
romance with a significant other for the allure of this ever elusive fantasy.
While your flesh and blood partner aches with desire for a deeper connection,
you chose the fantasy with the “fantastic”. This connection seems almost
spiritual. How nice to not have to deal with imperfection. You are the smartest,
sweetest most wonderful person they know. You
have unwittingly participated in diminishing your own capacity for pleasure. The
possibility of you enjoying normalcy retreats as you strive for this insincere
excellence. The parts of yourself that you give to your fantasy are removed from
your reality. Romantic gestures are saved for the “falsely fantastic”.
As your duplicity and dishonesty haunt your heart you disconnect from the ones
requiring accountability. How
many real life smiles have you left unreturned? How many possibilities for true
life interaction have you passed up? You have weakened your capacity for genuine
happiness. You have turned your back on authentic human relations to substitute
it with this fantasy. Close family and friends notice how you are going through
the motions of life without seeming to experience it. You are often irritated
with any life drama that pulls you away from your beloved. It’s
never too late to come back down to earth and be human. Releasing yourself from
the unrealistic expectations you’ve created can be quite a load off your
shoulders. Ok, so you may have some explaining to do and everything may not feel
warm and fuzzy. Eventually you can open your mind to the insecurity of your heart.
Everyone wants to be perfectly fantastic. None of us are. It’s OK to be human.
Once you wrap your brain around being real, things will come back to you. Go
slow and embrace each minute of life for the magnificent miracle that it is. You
may seem numbed for a while, but a child’s smile will soon warm your heart
as it did previously. An intense electrical storm can mesmerize you, just like
before. You just have to open your heart and let go of your pride. You may have
a few relapses back in to the fantasy world, but soon you will view these as the
counterfeit charades they truly are. Will
the magnetism of your fantasy world ever quit pulling at you? Only you can stop
the wasteful exchanges. You may have to hurt some feelings. That will be the toughest
thing for you to do. You won’t want to ruin seeming so perfect, even to someone
who hasn’t earned real life position. You will hope they just go away, and
some will without any drama. Others who have built their real lives around this
unreality will be unwilling to let go. Those folks will need a push that can only
come from you. Realize that these boundaries have to be set in order for you to
recover your own real life. You
will have some hard times with the people you have left to their own devices.
Hopefully they have not unearthed the same escape route from life that you have
utilized. Wouldn’t it be a shame if the ones you reach out to are not there
for you? Real life is difficult. Fairy tales lead us to believe the opposite.
Unfortunately tales are tales no matter who the narrator is. Kissing frogs and
holding out hope for a prince isn’t healthy or smart. Work hard to surround
yourself with the love and happiness that is tangible.
Courtesy: Annette, Internet
Infidelity Group Member | 
- behind asterisks from your
hard-drive that have been deleted - 
