Signs of Cheating Spouse

Here are some signs of a cheating spouse: (substitute the word she for he, if you like.)

1. There most likely will be more than one other person. He sees affairs as conquests, usually sexual, and not as a place to find intimacy. Actually he lacks many of the tools and the mind set to have intimate relationships. He most likely will move from one conquest to another. His gratification on a basic level remains primary.

2. He will have little internal conflict about the affair. This differs markedly from the person who can't say no. Your spouse will view the affair or affairs as entitlement. He deserves them. He deserves to be adored. He deserves to have excitement and personal gratification in his life. He has earned it. There is nothing wrong with this. Actually others, perhaps you included, ought to understand this!

3. He will operate in a world that supports his illusion and behavior. He will surround himself with those who look the other way or actually encourage his philandering behavior. You will probably not find yourself welcomed in this world. He and his colleagues and friends collude to maintain their world.

4. You might run into a problem with the other person or persons. Remember the movie, Fatal Attraction? The other person might attach herself to him with specific expectations to be cared for and perhaps married - perhaps part of his strategy in his conquest efforts. When she is "dumped" or the expectations fail to materialize she may pursue revenge. You might be involved.

5. You may not experience a great deal of conflict with him. There is no talk of divorce. Your life might be quite copasetic - unless you rock the boat. He has his playtime and you fill another specific role of quiet support. Keep the balance and life moves along fairly seamlessly.

6. There is one problem, however. The problem of aging. Depending on his social context, you might become a liability as you increasingly fail to project a young attractive vibrant image. He wants those around him to reflect back beauty and perfection. If you fail in this regard you may be cast aside. Part of this depends on the financial cost of such "trade-in."

7. His fragile, illusionary world and yours may crumble if he encounters failure. Failure is his "Achilles heel." Unfortunately, the distortion and illusion he lives under do not always coincide with reality. He pushes and bends the rules to his advantage. He may not pay close attention to the consequences of his behavior. Those consequences - legal, financial or health - may bite him at some point. He most likely will count on you to be there for him, to cry on your shoulder (perhaps literally) and help him regain his confidence.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of cheating spouse affairs and surviving infidelity - Click Here for more

The Slippery Slope of Lies

Another common feeling for people that have been lied to is the feeling that they have been made to look like a fool.
You trusted your spouse so completely that you were ready to believe virtually anything he or she said. Your spouse took advantage of this faith, and now you feel ashamed.

If you're willing to tell her the truth about everything it is a continuing demonstration that you are committed to rebuilding your relationship. Telling the truth this way might not save your relationship by itself. But it will help.

It's your marriage we're talking about saving here. So what if it's not "easy?" The rewards will certainly be worth the difficulty if your spouse starts trusting you again and you both learn the skills necessary to make a long-term marriage work.

So adopt a no-lies policy. Tell your spouse the truth about everything. Inoculate yourself against the dangers of lying. And make it possible for trust and honesty to blossom again.