 1)
One of the most troubling symptoms is anxiety--not knowing what to do. Get your
evidence. I can still recall the anger and denial of finding a so-called "
love note". I couldn't contain the rage within myself for very long. I know
it is really difficult to stop the rage and anger inside that you feel but take
this time to collect your evidence by making notes, making copies of the evidence,
etc. Shock is a normal reaction to discovery. The discovered person often feels
as confused and scared as the discoverer. Consider and reflect. Take your time
and don't jump to hasty irreversible decisions.
2)
Don't be too shocked and embarrassed to confront your husband. Confront your partner.
You know you have to - so as soon as you have your evidence do it! Let him or
her know you disapprove and want it to stop. Don't wait and let it slide. If you
wait this gives the other person more opportunity to take your spouse/partner
from you. Timing is critical.
3)
No Fighting. Accusations put one on the defensive. Stay on neutral terms with
your spouse/partner and communicate nicely. Stop arguing, bickering, fighting,
shouting or the petty punishing techniques immediately. These techniques didn't
work during your marriage and they won't work now. Stop the blaming (either yourself
or them). These are the bad emotions that have come between you during your relationship.
Quit it. Be pleasant, courteous and nice but not to the point of smothering. Sad
and crying to your spouse isn't going to get your mate home either. If you want
your spouse to end his/her affair and come home then you need to make their environment
pleasant like someone they’d like to be with. Now is the time to be rational.
Now is the time to work on you.
Adultery and violence is wrong and unacceptable and we will show zero tolerance
for it. Do not
give your spouse time out to "find themselves" or to "wait and
see" as it gives the other person time to take over/destroy your marriage.
So you have to walk a very fine line there. Two climates are being created --
the person is adding to the distress of their committed relationship, and nurturing
the new relationship. Don't kick your husband out if you want to work on your
marriage.
Keep in mind every situation is different. Much more is on the site here. I also
encourage everyone to talk about their infidelity. Part of the recovery is telling
the story in order to heal. When you tell your story make sure it is with a trustworthy
friend or support group. Join a infidelity support group - they are strong, true
advocates with unconditional support. Don't
issue ultimatums. If you want them to go to counselling then suggest "I want
you to go to therapy with me". "I really want you to go to therapy with
me." If they won't go you go for your own sanity.
4)
Take time to reconnect with your spouse.
My spouse won me back after pursuing me. I worked on myself to be the best I could
be visually, mentally and health wise. He chased me with romance, by being there
and won my heart back. I do not regret it! Consider my empowerment -- I had already
moved out, sold the house. You can save your marriage if you want to.
5)
If you can get them to agree to work on your marriage there is great ebooks recommended
by experienced counselors as follows: My
ebook "How to Deal with a Cheating Spouse" offers basic questions you
need to have answered right now. Inexpensive click
here. Don't
leave the affair to chance. Don't wait for "time to heal." Don't waste
time with simplistic suggestions or vague generalities. Don't act out of desperation.
Why saying "I Love You" doesn't work - we need results. You need
to see positive actions with absolutely no negative actions over a period of time.
Know in your
Heart that the Affair is NOT your Fault.
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